Bittersweet...

This exciting time of building our home has become mundane and even annoying this week as we had a family tragedy occur about a week ago.  My mother, who has also been my best friend for as long as I can remember passed away a week ago tomorrow.  I cannot believe it'll be a week tomorrow, and at the same time time has felt like it has literally stood still.  The minutes pass by so slowly, the hours drag on, and the days...  it has been the saddest, hardest experience of my life.  My mother was one of the most amazing women you'd ever meet.  Truly so full of life and personality, she did not know a stranger, and would proudly show pictures of her children and grandchildren to anyone she'd talk to.  She loved her family more than anything, and everyone who knew her knew it.  She was an angel on earth, and now she is an angel in heaven.  I miss her so much, and also I know that it really hasn't even sunk in yet, the loss.  I know we all have been trying to push through and get through the funeral arrangements, the funeral itself, and then all the family Christmas events and traditions.. and boy are there many!  Mom was all about the traditions, and she of course made us promise to "make Christmas" and "be happy!"
In the midst of all of that my husband and I also attended our previously scheduled appointments with HD Interior Supply, and Guardian.  Neither appointment coincided with any funeral arrangements so we just kept the appointments.  It was very hard to go to these appointments.  My heart was not in it, and I know the sadness in my eyes showed through.  I know I wasn't as happy or friendly with the sales reps as I normally would have been.  And honestly choosing things for our home was a chore and not fun at all. By the end of the appointment on Monday with HD I was literally fighting back the tears while we waited for Jennifer to make copies of all the paperwork we had signed.  It was like I had tried to do a "normal" thing and talk to someone like everything was fine and normal for too long and I had reached my breaking point.
Not only was the timing really bad, being two days after my mother passed away, but it was also sad because I had hoped to include her in the decision making process, possibly even bring her with us.  Instead I wanted to hurry and get the appointment over with.
We are still excited to build our dream home, we are happy with our choices (that I will post about in a separate post) but really this doesn't feel like the most important thing we have going on in our lives right now and I'm not sure if it ever will.